joprha

Well how about that.

2008-09-10T15:36:28Z

I'm so content these days.
I'm in college, and I'm applying myself!
I've been writing new music a lot, been jamming with a lot of people lately.
Recording a lot.
For once I'm proud of my music.
And I'm actually proud to be Preston.
COMPLACENCY I'VE FOUND YOU
I'm going to be rerecording an old song soon, for nostalgic purposes soon.

It was dark before the dawn, but baby now it's fucking noon.

Loathe Me Cunt

Life

2008-03-17T03:06:04Z

Is coming back into focus. I've realized I'ved demonized to many people. Most of which didn't deserve it, esp. my dad. It should have been the other. I started talking to him again. I'm gunna see him soon. My mother is the most selfish, self-centered, self-rightious, delusional individual I've ever know.

protien shakes

2008-02-09T18:35:28Z

are gross.

slaam poetry is my new vent

2008-01-18T06:24:44Z

the 5th story

"I'm going to get dinner" he said ,leaving our project,
I haddn't seen him in days, he just hadn't come out,
yeah his room was a tomb filled with gloom,
it consumed,even me

He came back hours later with a bag of cold wendy's food,

I ate it all

Soon after he came in stumbling with every motion,
like a wave in the ocean,
a corpse not a person

he threw tables, he threw chairs
only wearing underwear
then he grabed my guitar,
the one thing I still loved.

I snaped like a twig under a giants foot,
like a gunshot,
I ripped it from his hands
knowing what would happen already

i threw it to the side as he jumped like a goat
straight for me

I choked him like a chiken
till his body went limp
and I reached for the phone
I called the only phone number I still remembered

"hello?"

"mom please come get me, I have to leave."

"ok"

1st Slam Poetry Piece

2008-01-12T06:52:56Z

DEAR TRON

Hipsters can't touch us because we ball outragious,
Ya betta keep ignoring them cause their disiese is contagious,
I'm flying new places, far from all the latest,
news I'd be hearing, you used to be my cnn

Now

now I can't hear a single thing your saying,
You think I'm playing,

You'd think you'd pay attention,

just take a little listen,
You'd notice I'm paying,
My life,

It's a small price for what she had to offer,
At least she's not awful,
Why are you so awful?

tron or no tron you've got explaining to do,
when I'm done with you, you'll be like a dried out prune,
Squezed of all juices,

and by juices I mean answers,
not metaphores about being cancer
she's not

your wrong

your wrong, always have been,
wipe off that shit full of grin,
your not fooling anybody

except all the people you say you care about

that was once, I admit but you I've finnaly quit,
like an adult with no zits, like going to rehab,

your a virus infecting friends of mine like it was going out of style,
Your a child without a purpose, born with a silver spoon, your a mother fucking loon

I'm over it, I want you out,
I found a vaccine for all my doubt,

It's her

not you

Maine Sauce

2007-09-23T22:23:06Z

I really wanted to go to the bury your dead show tonight.
bummer
I get the feeling something good is just around the bend.

I see I hope I want I breath

Im tired

2007-07-24T17:13:01Z

of being the ex-boyfriend who needs his ex.

Im better then that.

from now on Im supporting myself.
from now on Im not going to date.
from now on Im in control.
from now on Im going to be me.

FUCK EVERYONE
I HATE YOU ALL ANYWAYS

this statement excludes shelby and zach

space

2007-07-17T14:14:34Z

Ok
I'm giving now
we both need to figure things out
your right.....as usual

you say "son you're looking kind of weak"
yeah well I starved myself, deprived myself of sleep
you say "no no that is not it,
its something deeper, it's something within"
I say "stranger...
leave me the hell alone,
you must have problems,
problems of your own"
he smiles, reaches out his hand
"help me help to help you learn to understand"
he asked me if im ready to die
and I shrugged, I looked to the sky
"whats my purpose" he said
am I better off
Whats your purpose
I repeated that question in my head
yeah aw no no no
he asked what do I really live for,
and if I have inner peace
he asked what is our purpose

what is it

2007-07-16T23:12:17Z

that makes me such a bad guy

I don't get it.

The little things?

It's the big things that fucking matter honey.

please call me

I want to talk to you

I need you to talk to me

make me feel better, you always do.

"shit-eating twat"

2007-07-16T16:14:53Z

"...and then I'm Fine"

What the fuck

I don't wanna believe this

I can't breath

The codeine I took this morning isn't even helping

Does she hate me?

I didn't mean/want to hurt her

my God I love her

my stomach is in knots

I did this?

I can't stand not talking to her

"...doing something stupid..."

so I'm something stupid now

great

have I always been something stupid to you?

I need to start trying to concentrate on not picking at my gums with this thumbtack, I've been at it for days. does anyone have any advice for getting rid of nervous habits. I'm gunna talk to my therapist and psych tomorrow so maybe I'll get something for my nerves. I hope so at least.
I can't stop. Thier is blood all over my pants, good thing Im wearing dark pants. I wanna talk to my best friends, but Shelby's in mexico and zach is in iraq, Shannon probably doesn't wanna talk or is at work or is busy or something.

Im shaking

goodbye

joprha @ 2007-07-13T10:12:00

2007-07-13T15:22:33Z

I might be going to record tonight/tomorrow with justin.

Fun.

I'll be recording A Girl so Far Away", "I've Finally Gone Away", and a new song I wrote last night...maybe.

I miss her talking to me, telling me everything.
Maybe I should have told her I was depressed.
My anxiety is going crazy.
My mouth tastes like blood.
Im gunna talk to my therapist/phyc about this.
I need my best friends right now more then ever.
Lord give me strength for I am weak.

And This Too Shall Pass

joprha @ 2007-07-13T07:31:00

2007-07-13T12:37:49Z

I'm a mess.
I didn't shower today.
My gums hurt.
I'm still picking at them.
I can't stop.
My hair is a mess.
But I don't care, I don't give a fuck.
I'm gunna do something tonight.
Maybe trip benadryl.
Maybe just go to sleep.
I don't know.
Something to get my mind off of things.

joprha @ 2007-07-12T15:10:00

2007-07-12T20:24:38Z

I can't do anything right.
When I get love, attention, respect, and a person who actually gives a shit about me, I go and fuck things up. I ignore her, I don't pay enough attention, I don't show her respect.
And now shes fed up and I'm feeling horrible. I just got dumped. I know exactlly why too.
Because when given something wonderful, I learn to take it for granted and neglect it without even noticing it till it's too late.

I'm destroyed, I'm devistated, I'm crushed.

I'm sad.

Dear Anne-Marie,

I didn't want it to end. It's too late now I know. I love you. Goodbye.

Love
John

Im going to dissapear for a while

2007-07-12T15:11:02Z

Does anyone even read this?

But to the point. I'm going to be gone from public view,besides summer school, for a little while. In this time I am going to write an albums worth of new music.

DELIVERENCE

2007-07-12T13:25:11Z

from depression
from pain
from suppression
from blood

I'm going insane.
Why am I doing this to myself.
I can't stop.

Everything I touch turns to blood.

joprha @ 2007-07-09T10:29:00

2007-07-09T15:30:40Z

Haven't been taking my lexapro for a few days because i'm out of my script.
Haven't been able to fill it.
My mood swings are coming back.
kjshagdfakjasudhbajhvb

Today Amy's coming over and I'm cooking dinner for her.
Italian salad, chicken fettucini alfrado with Leafermilch white wine, and for dessert chocolate cheese cake with melted white chocolate on top.
It's going to be so good!
I can't wait to see her; it's been to long.

I'm started second session summer school today.
English 3 and algebra 1b both semesters are what im working on, or supposed to be working on.
Im sitting by Danielle and Thomas, which is pretty sweet.

I can't wait to see you :]

I can't find the ring you gave me.
I've been picking at my gums all day:[

movieday= lotOcuddle

2007-06-19T16:05:04Z

Amy is picking me up after school today with her grands.
We're going to watch movies, listen to music, talk, dream of the future, lotsOcuddle.
Well this is going to be awesome.
My poison ivy i've had since last thursday is going away.
I'm listening to The Dillinger Escape Plan.
These guys are one of my favorite bands.
I really wanna see them in concert.
Only 30 minutes till i'm in her embrace.
Eskimo kisses are adorable.
Friends Theme Music

END

fighting

2007-06-13T13:14:01Z

with all my might

bleeding gums, bleeding fingers

2007-06-12T13:44:30Z

I just can't control myself.

I just can't stop.

I do it consently.

They hurt.

I know it's bad, but I don't have any control of it.

It's a monster.

The constant taste of blood in my mouth,

the constant pain of my fingers.

I don't know what to do.

spiderwebs and dissonence

2007-06-08T16:13:44Z

yesterday afternoon I decided to trip Benadryl

I went to the woods by my house and took them

I took the 19 25mg pills about 1:30

at 2:00 they hadn't kicked in yet

I was walking back to my house and stopped at the park till my mom left

I went into my house and walked into my living room

I looked at the corner closest to my kitchen

I could see every cell in the wall moving

I started to go upstairs and the same was for all the walls

I opened the door to my room walked in, still see the cells, and sat

I put on music, Jacob Smigul, and was amazed to here different words placed in
certain unpredictable places along with noises in the same manor

there were thousands of people talking and I couldn't understand any of it

a face morphed out of the wall all the while talking

it was the shade a blown bubble is

It would pulse and morph into another face all the while still talking

I just sat and stared

I went into my parents room to get on the computer and everything seemed to be calming down

I blinked

I found myself sitting in the exact spot I was sitting in before

Then shelby calls

so shelby comes and picks me up with anthony and we head into the ville

we picked up thomas from some girls house and then we tried to find bud

we went to the swift creek park and chilled

we found bud with my friend shannon S

we smoked at lions park then went to taco bell

we ate and then took shannon to where her bike was

we went to my house after that and hung out for a little bit

everyone left at 9:30 and I went to sleep

what a good day

summer school

2007-06-04T12:42:06Z

is gunna be fun
Im sitting next to thomas edge
alright
ima get learned this morning

It's nice

2007-05-27T21:13:23Z

We fit together like puzzle pieces.

Afternoon "deelite"
red wings
red velvet
Kentucky Fried Taco
laying in bed for hours
"water"
shower curtain hole

her smile

this down thing

2007-05-14T12:13:24Z

sing me to sleep
sing me to sleep
I don't want to wake up on my own anymore

joprha @ 2007-05-11T07:13:00

2007-05-11T12:39:59Z

Daydreaming again,
about the future,
about whats to come,
as if I know,

music to my ears

a strong,infectious melody,

a soft,sad chorus,

a huge build up to the bridge,

a emotional climax

a gradual falling

and then the chorus

one last time sad and soft

your voice

joprha @ 2007-05-10T07:32:00

2007-05-10T12:41:45Z

connecting copper wires
flowing with electricity,
bursting with energy,
turning on lights that have until now never shown,
overpowering the darkness in which all hell resides,
you are my light.